In my coaching practice, I often encounter leaders who bend over backward for their employees, only to find themselves disrespected or walked all over. It’s a situation that leaves them feeling frustrated and, at times, defeated. They come to me asking, “Why is this happening? What am I doing wrong?” These conversations have led me to reflect on a pattern I see frequently among well-meaning leaders who struggle with balancing kindness, authority, and the fine line between micromanaging and empowering their teams.

The Pitfall of Blurred Boundaries

One of the first issues that comes to light is the lack of clear boundaries. Many leaders I work with have a genuine desire to support their teams, but in their effort to be accommodating, they often blur the lines between leadership and friendship. They want to be there for their employees, to be approachable and understanding. However, when boundaries are not clearly defined, the leader’s support can be misconstrued as permissiveness. Employees may start to take advantage of this, interpreting flexibility as a lack of firmness. The result? Respect starts to erode, and the leader finds themselves being walked over.

Inconsistent Expectations Lead to Uncertainty

Another common theme is the inconsistency in setting and enforcing expectations. Leaders who are focused on being supportive might hesitate to enforce rules or follow through with consequences, fearing they will be seen as harsh or uncaring. Yet, this inconsistency creates confusion. Employees are left uncertain about what is expected of them, which can lead to a breakdown in respect. When expectations are not consistently communicated and upheld, employees might feel they can push boundaries without any repercussions.

Micromanaging vs. Empowering

This brings us to a crucial aspect of leadership: the balance between micromanaging and empowering employees. Leaders who lean towards micromanagement often do so with the intention of being supportive, but this approach can backfire. Micromanaging sends the message that employees are not trusted to do their jobs effectively, which can lead to resentment and a lack of respect. On the other hand, leaders who empower their employees to take ownership of their work often find that respect follows naturally. Empowerment builds trust, encourages accountability, and fosters a culture where employees feel valued and respected.

The Overemphasis on Being Liked

In my sessions, I’ve seen that many leaders prioritize being liked over being respected. They genuinely care about their team and want to maintain a positive atmosphere. However, this desire to be liked can sometimes overshadow their need to be respected as a leader. When leaders focus too much on likability, they may avoid difficult conversations or decisions, hoping to maintain harmony. But without respect, the leader’s authority is diminished, and employees may begin to take their kindness for granted.

The Impact of a Lack of Accountability

Accountability is another critical area that often comes up. When leaders shy away from holding their team accountable, it sends a message that certain behaviors are acceptable. Employees may start to believe they can act without consequences, which can quickly lead to a breakdown in respect. Leaders who avoid accountability out of a desire to be supportive may find that they are, in fact, fostering an environment where disrespectful behavior is tolerated.

Cultural and Environmental Influences

The culture of the organization also plays a significant role in this dynamic. In environments where disrespect is tolerated or even normalized, leaders can find it challenging to maintain authority. The culture can influence how employees perceive and interact with their leaders, making it difficult for even the most well-intentioned leaders to command respect.

The Entitlement Trap

I’ve also noticed that employee entitlement is a growing issue. Some employees develop a sense of entitlement, believing that the leader’s efforts are simply what they deserve. This entitlement can lead to a lack of appreciation and respect for the leader’s hard work and dedication. Leaders who face this often feel unappreciated and question the value of their supportive actions.

Communication Breakdown

Finally, communication—or the lack thereof—is often at the heart of these issues. Leaders might assume their efforts are obvious and appreciated, but if they are not effectively communicated, employees might not recognize or understand the leader’s intentions. Miscommunication can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of appreciation, further eroding respect.

Striking a Balance: The Path Forward

So, what’s the solution? How can leaders be kind and supportive without losing the respect of their teams?

From my coaching perspective, the answer lies in balance. Leaders must establish and maintain clear boundaries, communicate consistent expectations, and ensure that their supportive actions are balanced with firm, decisive leadership. This includes empowering employees rather than micromanaging them, which helps build trust and respect while fostering a culture of accountability. It’s about creating a culture of mutual respect, where both leaders and employees understand and value each other’s contributions.

Leaders need to recognize that being respected doesn’t mean being unkind. It’s possible—and necessary—to lead with empathy while also maintaining authority. By reflecting on these common pitfalls and actively working to address them, leaders can create an environment where kindness, respect, and empowerment go hand in hand.

This balance is not always easy to achieve, but with mindful, intentional, and accepting leadership (MIA), it is possible to cultivate a workplace where everyone thrives.